How Psycho-genealogy helped me release blockages and embrace “ME”
Updated: Apr 17, 2022
By Sonia Neffati – certified Psycho-genealogist
In a nutshell, Psycho-genealogy is an alternative therapy that deprograms the automatic unhealthy responses due to inherited family traumas, while uncovering our own individuality and empowering us to make our own choices.
We inherit not only good traits from our parents but also their unresolved traumas and unconscious “debts” from previous generations.
It can feel like a void inside of us, an unease, an inexplicable feeling of “that is not me” or “It is not the life/job I would have chosen for myself” or “How come I cannot move forward on those projects” or “Money keeps on slipping through my fingers”
I have used the word “inexplicable” as despite the efforts that we make, we keep on finding ourselves in the same situation: the same relationship pattern, the same dead-end job, the same financial situation… I have experienced the same patterns for many years until I came across Psycho-genealogy.
I have always looked at my past but strangely enough, I was not curious about my family history, traumas, and secrets. It never crossed my mind that the unresolved traumas from my ancestors could have explained a lot of my blockages and beliefs.
For many years, I lived my life repeating the same beliefs and behaviors. I felt like the choices were limited and not my own. I felt stuck.
Our beliefs, our “personal” choices (love, professional…) are unconsciously influenced by our family heritage. Every family has codes, values, judgements, taboos, that are not questioned. You may have already heard or say it yourself “We have always done it that way in my family” “It has been done like that for generations” … behind that statement, there is a family loyalty.
Those loyalties influence our choices or lack of choice in some instances. Challenging those loyalties could jeopardize the needs we all have (love, belonging, acknowledgment, connection, support…) as it could mean rejection and abandonment from our family. That is why, quite often, they are stored in our subconscious, and we are unaware of their presence and influence on our behaviors.
We have two kinds of behaviors: we either repeat or fix. We will repeat a same pattern; for example, we end up being exactly like our Mum; or we fix, if our mum was the submissive one in the relationship, we end up being the dominant one. We can get stuck in a loop of the same patterns for many years until we bring to consciousness the negative or toxic behaviors by having a closer look at our family history.
In Psycho-genealogy, we start with the Genosociogram (Family tree). It highlights some valuable information
· Similar names
· Similar D.O.B. or D.O.D.
· Where we are placed among our siblings
· Unborn child, abortion…
· Jobs - can be chosen according to the “mission” we took upon ourselves (subconsciously). For example: a job in the medical field could be to “fix” something that has happened in the previous generation(s)
· Divorce, separation….
Then, we ask a series of questions to develop a holistic view. After that, we do symbolic acts to release, to give back what does not belong to us, we do this with love and compassion.
The aim is to “discover” who we really are, to make our own choices, to open the field of unlimited possibilities, to give back to our ancestors their story, traumas…. And to free ourselves from those dynamics, loyalties.
We also develop a deeper understanding of our family behaviors. I have always wondered why my grandmother looked so unhappy. But then, I learned (through Psycho-genealogy) that she had a very challenging life.
Now, I feel compassion towards her, and I feel very proud of the woman she was, she did the best she could with what she had and that was a beautiful lesson to have learnt. It is a shame it took me so long to realize that and I did not have the opportunity to tell her face to face.
As for me, the process has allowed me to understand my beliefs and decisions while empowering me to make my own choices:
· to choose to act differently instead of being triggered the same old way,
· to choose to show up for myself instead of diming my light,
· to choose to face my fears instead of being managed by them,
· to choose to question my belief system that was taught and inherited and to create/adopt new ones that represent me.
If you had one thing to remember is that you have the right to be YOU.